Sweeping the dust from the floor the place I call my own, the silence is deafening. The bristles crunching against the mat as my breath becomes louder and louder. I stopped suddenly as the reality of my life was staring directly in front of me, the emptiness of the open space suddenly overwhelmed me.
The door buzzer sounded, and I was released from my state of shock. I could breathe again.
Life stopped for a moment before I opened the door to let in my next round of pupils and I felt human again. That is when my day reality begins as I step into the dojo and I am greeted by a big smile and a bundle of excitement – that is when I know I am where I am supposed to be.
I have always remained cautious about my being, feeling as if I have been living as a ghost on earth stuck in a time before now. The past has remained a distant thought, yet one that constantly catch overwhelms me. I have endured many unresolved feelings that have remained my most feared opponent and at 51-years-old, I had to stand toe-to-toe without the combat skills I had mastered.
Its crazy to wonder whether; of all I have achieved so far…if it was birthed from tragedy. You see, much of my life has been self-supported, whether that be through poor decisions or unrelenting ambition that no one could match. I have had to push myself through most of my years on this earth, no one ever willed me on – I was just the kid who people did not expect much from. Quiet Sue.